seaorchardretreat@gmail.com

1 (345) 925-5868

Author: Fiona Pimentel

Need a Pick me up?

Fiona Pimentel June 3, 2023 In Cayman Islands No comments

How can you feel better when you need a pick me up?

Need a little pick me up?

My go to is always dancing. It’s not that I’m a great dancer or anything like that. But getting my body moving releases endorphins which help me to feel good, at the same time as reducing cortisol which causes stress, anxiety and depression.

 

The music I dance to affects my mood as well. In the mornings I choose to dance to praise music. So my dance time doubles up as a sort of prayer. Sometimes I might dance to Salsa, because I love it. I enjoy listening and singing along to the Spanish.

 

Today I am dancing to Bollywood songs! Although I don’t know any of the right moves, it doesn’t matter at all. I can try to copy what the dancers in the video are doing. And if I get it wrong, so what? I can make it up and I still get a workout. It’s not like anyone’s watching!

 

The videos are so much fun to watch with all the red, purple, orange, teal and gold clothing. Since the songs are usually part of a movie, you get a sense of the story they are part of. Which makes it so much more fun for me than jogging on a treadmill!

 

What can you do to release your endorphins and reduce cortisol in your body? Perhaps you love the treadmill! There’s nothing wrong with that! And the elliptical machine can give you a really good workout without putting strain on your joints. It’s a great way to get fit and burn fat as well.

 

But what I want to know is, what kind of movement do you absolutely love to do? Because if you really enjoy it, you’re far more likely to do it regularly. And it doesn’t have to be for a long time either. Just 5 minutes a day of some movement that you love can give you so much joy and improve your self esteem. It might help your physical fitness too!

 

So what will you choose next time you need a little pick me up?

 

 

 

 

 

Heal from Emotional Abuse

Fiona Pimentel May 13, 2023 In Heal from Emotional Abuse No comments

Is it really possible to heal from emotional abuse or neglect? Yes, it certainly is possible and I speak from experience.

Heal from Emotional Abuse

When we’ve been emotionally abused or neglected as children we carry deep wounds into adulthood. We have been let down by the very people we trust the most. The ones whose job it is to love and nurture us. Yet they were somehow unable to do this and so in a sense were untrustworthy.

So we learn to trust no-one.  This obviously makes it hard to have healthy relationships. In fact we even seek out people who are similar to our parents and have unhealthy relationships with them. We tend to trust the least trustworthy people. And we may find it hard to trust people who are actually trustworthy.

Maybe you always had food and clothes and a safe place to live. You might have been on regular vacations. But still you are wondering if there was abuse or neglect in your childhood home.

How do you know if your childhood was abusive or you suffered from neglect?

Here are some signs:

  • There was a lot of shouting in your house growing up
  • Nobody ever said positive words
  • You never received any hugs or physical affection
  • Criticism was the main means of communication
  • Shame and blame were always present

The results of emotional abuse or neglect include:

  • Low self esteem
  • Trust issues
  • Heightened sensitivity to rejection
  • Excessive embarrassment and shame
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Addictions

If any of this sounds like your experience, I invite you to join me for “Heal from Emotional Abuse” on the 10th July at 7pm EDT. This event will be on Zoom.

The 3 main skills you will learn are:

  • How to reparent yourself – this is so important as nobody can do this except you.
  • How to recognise who to trust – this will help you not to be fooled by the wrong people ever again.
  • How to build healthy relationships – finally move on with your life with supportive people around you.

We will also talk about making sure that we ourselves are trustworthy, because that is also essential if we are to move forward to the life we want.

You can message me to register your interest here and get the Zoom link. For help with relationships see also relationshipcoachingsolutions.net

 

 

Living Your Light

Fiona Pimentel April 1, 2023 In Cayman Islands No comments

What do I mean by Living Your Light?

Living Your Light

It is about who you are being rather than what you are doing. We’re all very unique even though there are a lot of similarities to us. We’ve all had different upbringings and experiences. We’ve lived in different places and in different families.

When I talk about Living your Light I mean being the authentic version of you.

Who is the authentic version of you, the innermost person? Maybe you go to work and put on your foundation and makeup and work clothes, and this makes you feel confident. Just like those power suits people wore in the ’80s to become a super confident character. Who are you when you take off your makeup and you’re not wearing your work clothes?

I’m a coach, and what I spend my time doing is coaching people. But in my morning job, who am I being? If people are stressed, who can I be to help them to be calm?

Being authentically you is also about to having to conform. We feel that we need to be accepted by society, so we conform to certain norms. When we are authentically ourselves, we don’t have to try to fit into those pigeon holes. Embrace the weird!

As a child maybe parents or teachers told you not to do certain things so you suppressed parts of your character. For example I remember at school always looking out the window and day dreaming. And teachers definitely saw that as a bad thing, as a sign of laziness. But actually the ability to dream big is a good thing. It’s a superpower!

Also my mother used to say “Stop showing off” because I was always being the comedian at home. So as a result, I suppressed that part of my character. It’s only later in life that I have got back into performing, and now I would like to develop the comic side of myself. What are the quirky things about you that you have suppressed? These may be your superpowers! And to really shine your light into the world, you will need to develop your superpowers.

This week in my FB group, I did a training on how to start Living Your Light. If you would like me to send you the link let me know.

If you’d like 1:1 help with living your light or having a more awesome life, you can book yourself a coaching call with me here

Have a look and see if you can find a time that works for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time to Embrace Change

Fiona Pimentel March 18, 2023 In Cayman Islands No comments

It’s time to embrace change!

Time to Embrace Change

Change is what life is all about. So why do we sometimes fear it?

Positive changes are what coaching is all about! I am enjoying the changes I’ve been making in my life. I was feeling overwhelmed, so I started a part time job! And it has really helped me become much more efficient.

I’ve been doing really well with my morning routine. I added a 15 minute piano practice to my dancing, walking, and journaling. And in the afternoons between calls, I have just started having ‘Dance and Declutter’ sessions!

My clients are all making good progress in their lives and it is great to see them grow. And I am making progress in my own fitness, faith, and friendships.

However there is one area in my life where I still need to make improvements. And that is in a particular relationship. So that will be my focus for change from now on. And I feel positive about it, because I have made positive shifts in other relationships.

Could you call my focus on everything else procrastination? In a sense yes. But not in a bad way. Because I believe that any movement is good. It is always better to do something than nothing. Even if that something is not the one most important thing that you need to do.

What if you’re trying to decide between two paths? You are finding it hard to commit to either. So as a result you do nothing. That stagnation is what we should be afraid of!

Surely it is better to do something… anything just to get some momentum. Because as you make little changes, even if they are less important, they shift something in your thinking. You discover more of what you like and what you don’t like. And you grow in confidence to make other changes.

So I say it’s time to embrace change.

If you’d like any help with making positive changes in your life, you can book a call with me here.

To find out what other people have said about coaching with me see their reviews here.

Boundaries in Love

Fiona Pimentel February 18, 2023 In Boundaries No comments

Let’s talk about Boundaries in Love. 

Boundaries in Love

There are several ways of looking at this. 

First of all, there is how we set our boundaries.  

Second, we’ll look at setting boundaries in all our relationships so that they’ll be healthy. 

Third, we’ll discuss setting boundaries in our love relationships to protect the things we want to do in our lives such as work or self care. 

Then we’ll talk about setting boundaries in our other areas of life for the sake of our love relationships.  

And lastly, we’ll look at respecting other people’s boundaries. 

Setting Boundaries in a Spirit of Love

I want to talk about setting boundaries in a loving way. Because when somebody comes up against your boundaries, they are not doing it in a malicious way. They just don’t know where your boundaries are. And their boundaries are in a different place. Maybe they haven’t been taught about boundaries. 

Boundaries are specific to individuals. In other words, what is acceptable to one person is not acceptable to another person. We need to know what we find acceptable. And then we need to communicate it. Because we can’t expect people to read our minds. They may not even know where their own boundaries are, let alone be able to guess where ours are.

When we set boundaries we need to be clear and simple so that it is easy to understand. And we need to be coming from a place of love, so it doesn’t feel like the other person is being attacked. We can use a gentle tone of voice and explain as much or as little as we want to. 

The wording will depend on the situation. We can use a firm sentence like “Things are going to be different from now on.” Or we can approach it in a more gentle way and say “I’d like to discuss something with you.” And then tell them what change you are asking for. 

The main thing is to make sure we have expressed our boundary and they have heard it. You may need to repeat yourself several times. But if you keep calm, they will eventually take notice of what you are saying. And most of the time they will respect your boundary once they have understood it. 

Boundaries for Healthy Relationships

Have a think about where you need a boundary in your romantic relationship if you’re in one. 

Does your partner sometimes invade your space? Do you find his or her wet towel or dirty washing on your side of the bed? You could say something like “I’d like you to put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket.” Or “would you please hang up your wet towel?” 

Does he or she speak for you when someone asks you a question? If so you might want to set a boundary around that. “I’d like to speak for myself when someone asks me a question.”

What about your children? Do they walk in without knocking when you’re in the bathroom? Or perhaps they eat from your plate or drink from your cup! Do they disturb you when you are having time with your partner?

You can ask them to knock when you’re in the bathroom. And explain to them that your plate and your cup are for you. You can explain to them that when you’re having down time, this is adult time, not time for children.

How about your parents?

Do they come to your home and start rearranging things? Do they interfere with your parenting style or try to make decisions for you?

Then you’ll need to set boundaries around those things. Examples of things to say are: “I like how I’ve arranged my kitchen and I’d like you to leave it like that” and “This is how we do it in this house” or “Thanks for your opinion but I’ll make my own decisions.” 

Boundaries in Love Relationships

And now for setting boundaries in our love relationships to protect the things we want to do in our lives. 

We might need to tell our family members that it is important for us to exercise how and when we want to. 

It would be sensible to tell them in advance when we have some extra work or something that’s outside our normal routine.

We might need to explain that when we are sitting at our desk that is when we don’t want to be disturbed.

Boundaries in Other Areas

The other side of the coin is when we need to set boundaries in the other areas of our lives, in order to make room for our love relationships.

We can decide what time we are going to finish work and make a commitment to leave work at that time. 

If we’ve got friends who are wanting to spend too much time with us, we can set boundaries there. 

We may need to tell them that our main relationship is important to us. 

Or if someone like a member of our church is asking us to do things for them all the time, we may need to set boundaries there. We can say something like “I don’t mind helping you sometimes, but this time I’m busy.”

Respecting Other People’s Boundaries

When I think about respecting a partner’s boundaries, what comes to mind is giving them space, letting them arrive home and have some down time. 

Also I meet a lot of couples where one partner does all the talking. If you’re one of the talkers, you could respect that a conversation is where two people get a chance to talk. It’s about taking turns to listen and speak, not one person doing all the talking. 

 Respecting our children’s boundaries might mean knocking when we go into their bedroom.

Letting them be who they are. Allowing them to feel the emotions that they are feeling. 

How can we respect our parents’ boundaries? By accepting that they do things differently from how we do things. Not insisting that they take part in activities they don’t want to take part in. 

We can also help them to define their boundaries by asking them what their preferences are. 

If you have a question or something to add about boundaries, drop it in the comments below.

 

How Well do you Love Yourself?

Fiona Pimentel February 4, 2023 In Self Love No comments

Self Love

Let’s talk about Self Love. Some people think it’s selfish, but it’s not at all. It is actually essential. I will give you 3 reasons why self love is important and then I will share a journaling exercise. So if you want to do the journaling, you will need your pen and paper before you read on.

Why is Self Love important?

You may have heard that if you don’t love yourself you won’t be able to receive love from others. We take things badly and get offended if we don’t love ourselves. We see everything in a negative way. Once we start to love ourselves, we are much more likely to be more loving to other people and accept them as they are.

Secondly we have emotional needs and we know what they are. And other people don’t know what they are. We can communicate them. But other people can only give us so much. We are better placed to give ourselves what we need.

Often people who are working in service or are mothers give to everyone else, but don’t give to ourselves. Often what we give to others is what we most need.

My third reason why Self Love is important is that when we do love ourselves we flourish. We are more likely to be successful at work, and in our relationships and every area of life.

Self Love Journaling Exercise

  1. What do you love about yourself? For example what qualities do you have? Are you caring? Do you love learning? Are you funny? What other traits do you have?  Are you generous with your money or time? What do you love about your physical appearance? Do you love your eyes? What about your hair? Do you have fantastic long legs? What else can you love about yourself?
  2. When do you feel most confident? What kind of things are you doing when you feel confident? Are there certain activities that make you feel confident? Whenever we do something that we are slightly scared of, it always gives us more confidence. What do other people like about you? How would your family and friends describe you? What are your greatest achievements that you can be proud of?
  3. What would make you happier? What do you need that if you had it, it would make you feel happy? When have you felt happiest? What were you doing? When have you felt the most joyful? Who were you with? When have you felt the most authentically you? Who were you being?
  4. What do you need healing from? Maybe you had some childhood experiences that were traumatic? What do you need to forgive other people for?  Is there anything you need to forgive yourself for? Think about why you deserve to be healed and to be happy.
  5. If you met yourself in the street, what good thing would you wish for yourself? What kind words could you use for yourself? Would you want to give yourself a million hugs? What encouragement could you give yourself? And what positive words could you say over your life?

 

Write a Letter to yourself

Now look at all of your answers. Then write yourself a letter using them.  Start with Dear {your name} and say what you like about yourself. Remind yourself of all your achievements and why you should feel confident. Encourage yourself to do the things that make you happy. Talk to yourself about what you need healing from and whether this is through forgiving yourself or others. Maybe you just need to spend some time in silence in a beautiful place. Lastly, you will finish your letter with a greeting. For example, I wish you happiness in your relationships, I wish you all the best in your work or sending you all my love.

If you’ve written the letter by hand, type it up. Then mull over it for the next couple of days. See how you want to improve it and make it more loving. Then you can print it out. And stick it up somewhere where you will see it often. The other thing you can do is sent it to a website called Futureme.com. Set it for whenever you would like to receive it. On that day you will get a lovely surprise in your email that is full of love.

If you want to know more about loving yourself, you can read The Top Ten Ways to Love Yourself. The more we love ourselves, the more we love others. And it works both ways. The more we love others, the more we love ourselves. It’s a cycle of love!

 

3 Steps to Abundance

Fiona Pimentel January 21, 2023 In 3 Steps to Abundance No comments

What does Abundance mean to you? 

Abundance

To me, abundance is not just from material wealth, but from learning to be content with what you have. Because I’ve met people who are rich but are not living an abundant life. They might be suffering from depression or anxiety or unhappiness. And then I’ve met other people who are materially poor, but have great emotional wealth. They are full of joy and trust and love.  All of which got me thinking about abundance. 

As I’ve mentioned before, when our airport was closed to tourists, I lost all the money in my bank account. I knew I couldn’t pay the gardeners any more, so I asked them to stop coming. I left some of my bills unpaid until I could afford to pay them. Thankfully, I had great coping techniques so I felt very peaceful and even happy during the pandemic.

But the weird thing was, even when we had tourists coming back and I had money in my account again, I was still scared to spend it! Why was that? Because my mind had gone into a scarcity mindset. 

What’s the difference between a Scarcity Mindset and an Abundant one?

With a scarcity mindset we believe there is not enough of something to go round. We don’t dare spend money, and yet at the same time, we might have the fear of missing out. 

Abundance on the other hand is a reassurance that there is enough to go round for all of us. Have you met people who are experts at something and perhaps even teach it to you, but deep down you know they don’t want you to succeed? It’s because they feel threatened by you. They don’t have an abundance mindset… 

Abundance can also be about time. When I had younger children, I used to constantly rush around and always be late for school, for church, for the cinema, or to meet friends. I never had enough time! Yet, now I have two businesses and I have plenty of time! I wonder on earth what I did with my time before!

The truth is we all have the same amount of time. And we do have enough of it to get everything done. Some of us just have unrealistic ideas about how long things take. The trick is to schedule more time than you think you need for a task and leave a buffer before the next one. And to remember that tomorrow is another day so there is plenty of time. That’s an abundance mindset. 

So how do you get an Abundance Mindset?

Step 1

Practise Gratitude. It might sound like a cliché, but gratitude really is the answer to so many things. Tony Robbins says ”When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.”

Step 2

Visualize abundance. We cannot receive what we don’t ask for. So ask away. Ask for respect in personal relationships. Yes, you can Ask for a pay rise. Ask for the changes you need in your life. And visualize them. Imagine yourself in the position you want to be in. From there your intuition will teach you what needs to happen to get you there. 

Step 3

Let go of attachment to a very specific outcome. When we have expectations, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Whereas if we remain open, we allow anything to happen and we accept the outcome.  It may be even better than what we imagined.  The thought leader Bryant H. McGill agrees: “Abundance is the process of letting go; that which is empty can receive.” 

A combination of these steps, where you are grateful in advance for whatever will come your way is a powerful way to create abundance!

If you’d like to see how I can help you have more abundance in your life, I would be happy to get on a call with you. You can schedule a conversation with me here.  Or you can email me any questions you might have at seaorchardretreat@gmail.com and I will answer within 24 hours. To find out more about how I can help you with coaching see Sea Orchard Retreat

 

 

 

Know Your Purpose

Fiona Pimentel January 8, 2023 In Know Your Purpose No comments

Know Your PurposeHow well do you know your purpose? Are you in control of your journey? Or are you reacting to every little thing that happens?

 

“Life is happening for us, not to us” as Tony Robbins has said. All the things that happen in our lives contribute to us becoming the best version of ourselves.

 

The problem is that many of us tend to remember our pain more than the joys. This negativity bias means that we actually feel the negatives stronger than the positives.

 

We may be in so much pain that we focus on the negatives and we don’t even register the positives. In some cases someone’s ears may cease to work when they are being complimented!

 

The reason for this tendency can be found in prehistory. Our ancestors who were more aware of danger were more likely to survive. Those living in blissful denial were more likely to be eaten by a lion!

 

Now that most of us are not being chased by predators, this thinking can instead lead to depression. Which is obviously not very helpful!

 

But the good news is our pain also gives us our purpose. Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor and author of ”Man’s Search for Meaning” talked about finding meaning and purpose in our pain.

 

Monday 9 January at 6 pm EST I will be offering my first Magnetic Mindset training in my Facebook Group. The subject is Know Your Purpose. If you want to get to know your purpose better you can come to the training by joining Called to Courage helping women create the confidence to live their purpose.

To find out what other trainings are available, please contact me at seaorchardretreat@gmail.com.

 

How Survive the Holidays in Peace

Fiona Pimentel December 17, 2022 In 10 Steps to Survive the Holidays in Peace No comments

If you would like to know how to survive the holidays in peace, you’ve come to the right place!

Every year we start off with good intentions about the holidays, but we seem to get stressed in spite of them. Whether it’s a guest who stays longer than we had invited them for, or rivalry in the kitchen, there is always something!

In our house, there are so many great cooks who want to be in charge! I suppose that’s the small price I pay for having taught all 4 of my children to be excellent cooks. Add to that the fact that some of us eat meat and some of us are vegetarian and it can get quite busy!

I know that our family is not the only one that has these stresses around the holidays. In some families there are ongoing resentments for years or even decades, that mean that members only see each other once a year. Nobody wants to talk about the elephant in the room. But they can all sense its presence. And that’s way too much pressure for everyone to get along.

What usually happens in your family? Can you get through the season without a single argument? Or without someone getting too stressed? I hope so, but I fear that in many families the answer is no.

That’s why this year I have made a crib sheet called “10 Steps to Survive the Holidays in Peace.” If you would like me to send it to you, drop a line in the comments.

And if you would like to find out more about coaching with me contact me here.

You can book yourself a gifted coaching session here.

Never Give in!

Fiona Pimentel December 10, 2022 In Never Give in! No comments

Never Give in!

“Never give in — never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty.”  These are the famous words of Sir Winston Churchill in a speech he made at Harrow School in 1941. He continued, “Never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.”

Sometimes when I watch videos like this, or go to see a live piano performance, I think about giving in to my inner hyper-achiever. That’s the voice that tells me if I can’t perform at that level, there is no point even trying. But that’s simply not true.

The truth is I can actually play Rondo a Cappriccio. The difference is that when I play it, it sounds much more like a meditative lullaby instead of a ‘Rage over a Lost Penny.’

I did record a video of myself playing part of the piece, but perhaps luckily for you, my Air Drop is not working today. My intention had been to show the impact of practising the same line 50 times. The “before” video is 42 seconds long and the “after” recording is 22 seconds. So I managed to shave off 20 seconds, which was a great achievement for me! But to put this into perspective, in the recording I am sending you, the section only takes around 7 seconds!!

Even professional level performers started with zero knowledge of music and no inherent skills at the piano. They had to learn from scratch, like we all do at everything. They put in the hours of practice every day for years to get to where they wanted to get to. But we don’t have to be the best in order to enjoy doing something. Or in order for others to appreciate our talents.

In fact, recently we went to a concert where a lady played all 24 Etudes by Liszt. She is apparently the only person in the world currently playing all of them in one concert. That’s certainly very impressive! However, it was so far above everyone’s heads that we couldn’t enjoy it. Half the audience left. I would probably have left too if my husband and I had not been invited by the sponsors. And if I had not by chance met the performer in the restroom. I felt sorry for her that people were leaving when she had worked so hard for many years to achieve that level of playing.

So when our saboteurs attack us with doubts such as “you’re not good enough”, or “you should not even bother trying” we can ignore them. Although they are trying to protect us from pain, they are working as our enemy. Let’s agree to never give in to their negativity, because if a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing for the joy of it.

If you would like any help with persistence, let’s get on a call. You can book yourself an appointment here.

 

 

 

 

 

Scroll to top